Today I learnt what it meant to not be part of a group.
My colleagues were facilitating a workshop over the last two days running several ice breaking sessions, games and simulations. Today they were scheduled to run a tool different from previous sessions, so I took the opportunity to join in today and learn how the tool would run.
Our workshops always run with the objective of breaking rituals and developing intimacy, and that had been the first day's objective. Having missed the first day, I fully expect to be an outsider in the group.
And what an outsider I was. I didn't know their nicknames, wasn't part of their jokes, and wasn't part of the activities, either. These were not new to me as this was something that i was fully aware of in the years of conducting these sessions. But what was new to me was the feeling of loneliness, of being ostracised, and being a helpless bystander. To see people laughing and backslapping, comfortable with each other, no barriers and wearing no masks; having enough sharing to be one of them; yet I couldn't. I was a total stranger to them because I had no memory of what they had gone through; and I had nothing in common to share. I felt that this type of loneliness to be far more intense than being lonely. When one lacks friends, one embraces the loneliness not knowing what is being missed. Here, one sees the fun and the laughter; and is left with the feeling of utter helplessness not having the right faculties to join in.
And what is the point, you may ask.
Imagine coming to a new office whose members have reached *this* level of intimacy, eager and ready to be friends, but not able to readily join in. No doubt, this person would have to go out and make friends; but how comfortable would this team then be ready to upset their balance and take this new person in?
Would the likelihood of this person seeking out the non conformists in the group be greater? and what would be the impact on the teamwork if this happens?
In my mind, then, we need to br fully prepared to welcome new people in by having ready a "welcoming package" that eases the acceptance of someone new into a well knit group. This package should not be just a physical orientation of the person, but should also be an orientation of behavior to make aware the dynamics of the existing teams and to prepare both the teams and the newcomer to accommodate each other's presence.
Too trivial, you say? I don't think so. What do *you* think?